


First time

by theWholeShebang



Series: Lost and found [5]
Category: Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Sex Education, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:22:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27197785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theWholeShebang/pseuds/theWholeShebang
Summary: ‘Uhm, I have some more questions’, she started looking intently in her mother’s eyes, hoping that she caught on. She already felt a blush coming up. ‘About that thing.’Lou gave her a long look.‘You mean sex?’, she guessed after a few seconds.Ximena nodded. ‘Yeah.’, she sighed. ‘I don’t understand it.’Lou and Ximena continue their conversation about sex
Relationships: Lou Miller/Debbie Ocean
Series: Lost and found [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1441927
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	First time

Ximena sat down on the counter next to where her mom was cooking. She grabbed a baby carrot and started to nibble it.  
After a few minutes Lou looked up from her cutting board where she was finely chopping some herbs. She did not say anything though.  
Normally Ximena would appreciate that her mama never initiated the conversation. Leaving it to Ximena to decide if she wanted to talk or just sit in comfortable silence but now she would not have minded her mama to start the conversation, because she did not really know how to start. 

‘Uhm, I have some more questions’, she started looking intently in her mother’s eyes, hoping that she caught on. She already felt a blush coming up. ‘About that thing.’  
Lou gave her a long look. 

‘You mean sex?’, she guessed after a few seconds. 

Ximena nodded. ‘Yeah.’, she sighed. ‘I don’t understand it.’

‘You and Jonah haven’t yet…?’, asked her mama and Ximena could hear the surprise in her voice. Ximena looked at her knees, she knew she was slow. It had almost been two months since the first try and her first conversation with her mother. 

‘I know I’m slow.’, she said. 

‘No, you’re not.’, objected Lou. ‘Everyone has their own pace when it comes to sex. That really is the truth.’

She lifted Ximena’s chin so brown eyes met blue. 

‘It is not just something moms say.’

Ximena stared at her mom for a few seconds trying to believe what her mama said. 

Lou went back to chopping. 

‘You’re not slow. I was actually nineteen when I had sex for the first time.’, she said. 

Ximena was a little surprised to hear that, because when Lou and Debbie’s friends came over there usually would be a lot of jokes about Lou being a womanizer.

‘I was just fourteen when I had sex for the first time.’, said Ximena softly. 

Lou placed her knife down and looked up. 

‘That doesn’t count’, she said strictly. 

‘Why doesn’t it count?’, shot Ximena back frustrated. ‘You always say it doesn’t count. Like it doesn’t matter, but it matters a lot because it messes everything up. Just because you say it doesn’t count, doesn’t make me forget it!’

Ximena angrily wiped away a stray tear that had already escaped her eye. 

Her mother took a step to the side, so she was standing across from her. She gently tried to wipe a tear from Ximena’s face, but Ximena shook her head. 

‘I’m not crying.’, she said stubbornly. Which was not true because there were obviously some tears falling down her face, but sometimes she felt like she cried so often it was easier to ignore them now and then. 

Lou let her hands drop down.  
‘You are right.’, she said, her eyes were serious. ‘I’m sorry.’

It was quiet in the loft for a minute while Ximena gathered her courage to continue the conversation. 

Lou beat her to it. ‘you said you had some questions…’

Ximena took a deep breath and settled herself completely on the counter, drawing her knees up to sit cross legged with her back to the wall, she felt like she would get away with having her feet on the counter today.  
She pointedly looked at the cutting board, hoping Lou would understand that she found it easier to talk if her mother was not staring right into her face. Debbie always sensed when she needed some space to tell something, but Lou always got right in her face. It was sweet, but it made her nervous sometimes. 

To her great relief Lou went back to chopping. The ticking of the knife was a comforting sound.

‘Yeah, questions.’, she started, not sure how to phrase it. ‘It is just… I’m not sure I’m doing it right?’

Lou’s eyes darted up from the cutting board before she seemed to remember that Ximena did not want looks and looked down again. 

Ximena bit her lip. ‘Before, I would just lay on my back and let the guy do his thing. Maybe I’d moan a few times because I knew Hector would beat me up if I didn’t. But that was all I had to do.’

She saw that Lou had abandoned her cutting board again and was looking straight at her. It was a bit uncomfortable but there was something very grounding about the serious interest in Lou’s eyes.

‘But with Jonah. I have to do stuff.’  
She shook her head.  
‘I have to feel stuff’, she corrected herself. ‘And I don’t know how I feel.’

Lou was still giving her that serious and sad look and now Ximena had to look away. Sometimes it was still a strange sensation that someone else cared so much about her. She understood that her moms loved her, but the sensation still felt surreal sometimes. 

‘I talked about it with Eileen’, she confessed, referring to her therapist. ‘And she says that it is confusing because my body connects most of its reactions to uhm something like fear instead of sex or something.’  
She tried to explain what Eileen had said to her, but she had found it hard to understand. 

Lou was looking at her with a small proud smile. ‘You are amazing, you know that?’, she said. 

Ximena blushed. 

‘So what she is saying is that your bodily reaction to sex, things like arousal, are not registered in your brain as a fun thing but as a scary thing?’, Lou tried to summarize. 

‘I guess?’

‘Yeah, I guess that makes sense.’, stated Lou, scraping the herbs from the cutting board into the pan. ‘I suppose it is hard for your body to tell if it is supposed to enjoy the experience or to flee.’

Ximena felt a relief when her mother seemed to understand the problem even better than she did. 

‘Do you think it will go over?’, she asked, her voice betraying how important this question was to her. 

‘Yes.’ Lou sounded very sure. ‘I think that when you recognize your arousal as arousal, you can learn yourself not to panic.’

Ximena felt embarrassed to ask the next question because she was not stupid, but she did not really know what her mother meant. 

‘How can you do that?’, she asked, her heart beating in her chest. Could Lou really solve her problem? 

Lou briefly looked up to her, before focusing on the soup. She stirred the soup a couple of times and tasted it. Ximena waited impatiently, but Lou looked so relaxed that her own worry slightly disappeared. Everything was going to be alright, besides they were eating lemony chicken soup tonight. 

When Lou was satisfied with the soup, she turned to Ximena.  
‘When you and Jonah kiss, how does that make you feel?’, she asked, giving Ximena her full attention. 

‘Oh uhm…’, Ximena was a bit thrown off by the personal question. ‘I just, like I want to be really close to him. And when he holds me.-’, she paused to think how she could describe how she felt when Jonah was holding her. ‘I don’t know, it makes me feel very special, I guess?’

Lou was giving her a weird smile and Ximena felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. 

‘Jonah is a good boy’, nodded Lou. ‘He’s a keeper.’

Ximena agreed. ‘That’s why I want to get this thing out of the way.’

The smile disappeared from Lou’s face. ‘Don’t rush into sex because you are afraid that he will leave you!’, she said seriously. 

Ximena’s brows furrowed. ‘No, no, that’s not what I meant. Jonah said he doesn’t mind waiting and will wait ‘till I’m ready. It is just, I really want my new first time to be with him. Like he makes me feel really special and really good and I make him only worry in return. It is just something I want to share with Jonah.’, she explained, rushing over her words to defend her boyfriend. ‘Is that a bad reason?’

Lou stared at her for a few seconds. ‘No.’, she said slowly. ‘I don’t think that is a bad reason.’ 

Ximena was impatient to get her mama back on track, because it seemed like Lou was about to give her the solution to her problem. 

Lou let out a dry chuckle when she saw the eager look on Ximena’s face. ‘Okay. We were talking about that special feeling Jonah gives you when you kiss.’, she continued.

Ximena nodded to show her mother that she was still with her.

‘That feeling, that is the feeling you should also have when you do a little more than kissing.’ Ximena had difficulty reading her mother’s expression.  
‘If that special feeling disappears, you must go back one step and try to see why it went. But if the special feeling is joined with some fear then you should try to focus on the special thing, like maybe Jonah’s eyes or the way he speaks to you can help you to focus on that special feeling only.’ 

Lou looked at her. ‘Does that make sense?’

Ximena tried to go over the scenario her mother had sketched. How Jonah would climb on top of her and pepper her with kisses and tell her how much he liked her, she really did not like the way he would tower of her then, but she really liked the way the kisses felt on her skin. She thought she knew what her mother tried to explain.

‘Sometimes I have this feeling in my stomach that I like it but this feeling in my chest that I can’t breathe’, she confessed softly.

Her mother nodded seriously. ‘We want the feeling in your stomach to stay, but preferably you lose the feeling in your chest. It is just something you need to explore, to see what your body feels.’

‘So, for example, if Jonah is kissing me and I really like how that makes me feel but I don’t like that he is on top of me, I can tell him that I want him to keep kissing but maybe we can like try new positions?’, questioned Ximena.

Lou bopped her head. ‘Yes, exactly.’ 

Ximena felt more relaxed than she had expected. In a way this conversation did not feel much different than when Lou was helping her prepare for a test in school.

‘It is really normal to tell your partner what you like and don’t like. Even if you are together for a long time. It is not just a thing you have to figure out once and then you repeat it time after time. It can change with your mood or with your age or just the occasion.’, said her mama. 

Ximena sighed. Lou had told her this before, but she had trouble grasping the concept of sex changing all the time. How you had to establish the rules of the game every time.  
Before, there were no rules. The men handled her just how they liked it. It had been horrible and now it seemed like the had also messed up her understanding of what sex could be. 

Lou misunderstood Ximena’s silence and thought she needed to explain it better. ‘For example when I-‘, she started, but Ximena stopped her with a raised hand.

‘No, no, I got it.’, she said quickly, not really wanting to think about her mother having sex. ‘Like in general I understand. I’m just thinking about it.’

Lou sent her an amused smile and raised her hands in surrender. ‘Okay then, but while you think about it can you maybe hand me three soup bowls?’

Ximena hopped of the counter and opened the cabinet above it. 

‘Do you still have the condoms we gave you?’, questioned Lou when Ximena handed her the bowls. 

Ximena thought about the carton box in the back of her closet, stashed away in embarrassment when her moms had given it to her ages ago. 

‘Yeah I think so’, she said. ‘But Jonah has actually bought some.’ 

Lou gave a satisfied nod. 

‘Do you want to start using the pill?’, she asked. 

Ximena looked up in surprise. ‘Is that even an option?’, she asked. ‘With my medication?’ She was referring to the anti-depressants she was still taking.

Lou looked stunned for a moment. ‘I don’t know actually’, she confessed. ‘We’d have to ask dr. Parker about it.’

Ximena felt a tiny bit embarrassed that there were so many people aware of her sex life, but she nodded. ‘Can you…’, she started but was interrupted by the front door slamming open. 

Debbie walked in with angry clicks of her heels. ‘I love the man, but really, Reuben can be such a stubborn and old-fashioned prick.’, complained Debbie to no-one in particular. She looked at her family in the kitchen. ‘But it smells amazing, honey, let me change real quick.’ 

She kicked of her shoes and walked up the stairs. Ximena watched her disappear in the bedroom. 

‘Can I…?’, continued Lou the conversation. 

Ximena shook her head. It was not really that important anyway, the pill could wait. She was not even having sex yet.

Lou was still staring at her and Ximena knew that her mother would not stop until she knew the original question. Ximena decided to answer because Lou would probably stare at her like that until Debbie came downstairs.

‘Can you come with me, when I talk about it to dr. Parker?’, she questioned softly. 

To her relief, Lou answered in a soft tone as well. ‘Sure. Me or mom will go with you if you want.’

Ximena wished she was better at hiding her thoughts from her mama but Lou immediately read her face. 

‘You can talk about these things with mom too.’, she said. 

‘I just don’t really think mom likes that I want to have sex’, said Ximena and only when she saw Lou shake her head, did she realize that she had said it out loud.

‘Mom doesn’t like the idea of you growing up.’, said Lou with a smile. ‘But she is okay with you having sex, I can promise you that. And she is a big fan of Jonah as well.’ 

Ximena nodded, that seemed a reasonable explanation. ‘I’d still like you to come with me though’, she mumbled shyly. She felt like Lou was in it with her anyway.

‘Then I’ll come with you’, promised Lou, placing two steaming bowls with spoons in her hands and ushering her to the table.


End file.
